


The Girl in Question II

by elisi



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Comic)
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-26
Updated: 2009-11-26
Packaged: 2017-10-03 18:41:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elisi/pseuds/elisi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Spike and Angel *did* find Buffy? (Very silly crack-fic set between TGiQ and 'Power Play' (there was at least a month between them, probably more. Issues 1-4 of s8 have already taken place.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Girl in Question II

Angel had read the report three times, and he was still unsure how to proceed. With a sigh he gave up pretending that he could work it out on his own and buzzed Harmony, asking her to get hold of Spike. And to tell him it was _urgent_!

5 minutes later Spike showed up, saying that he only came because he was bored. Wordlessly Angel handed him the folder. Spike shot him a look, then sat down on one of the sofas and read.

When he was finished, he slowly looked up. "Where'd you get this? Reliable source?"

Angel shook his head, still recalling Derek's enigmatic smile as he had given him the report. "Really shouldn't be showing you this, but thought you might be interested..." And then he'd winked in a way that Angel didn't like at all.

Spike thought for a moment, then shook his head. "It's a trap!"

Angel's thoughts had been going in that direction too, but still he asked, "How can you be sure?"

Spike smiled. "According to this, Buffy has spent the last year living in a secluded castle in Scotland, which is just..." He chuckled. "I mean the shopping is better in the Deeper Well!"

Then he threw the dossier back to Angel and continued.

"See they saw you run off like a headless, love-struck chicken when you found out that she was dating the bloody Immortal, so they've cooked up this whole little scenario about military types being after her to get you to run off to save Rapunzel again. Thing is of course, that clearly they don't know that she'd never move that far away from civilisation."

Angel nodded. "Good point."

They sat in silence for a few moments, then Spike looked up, a twinkle in his eyes that Angel knew far too well. "But - since we _know_ it's a trap, we _could_ hop across the pond and surprise whoever is waiting, yeah? Borrow a swat-team from W&amp;H in London or something, make a day of it - or night..."

He frowned as he tried to calculate the time difference. Angel tapped his fingers on the desk, pondering. "I have a really important meeting tomorrow morning..."

Spike grinned. "C'mon! Only 4 hours each way! We can get there, have fun choppin' some heads off and be back before breakfast. And _you_ seriously need to get out - you've barely left the office for weeks!"

Angel couldn't stop himself from smiling back. He really _could_ do with a break...

***

_Buffy was having a nice, dream-free sleep, when she suddenly woke up, staring around the quiet room, heart beating wildly. Something had woken her - some premonition or... A second later her large bedroom window smashed to pieces, as two black clad figures crashed through. _

***

Angel looked around the dark room, shook off the glass splinters, and then noticed the woman sat up in the bed... Young, blonde, and her scent-

"Buffy?" he said, surprised, and he could see her looking from him to Spike and back again, trying to make them out against the darkness of the room.

"Angel?" she asked, clearly thrown, and he dragged a hand through his hair. What now?

After a moment's hesitation he brought up his wrist and spoke into his comm-unit: "All units on standby until further notice," - and then the door burst open. Someone pressed a light switch, and Angel saw Xander, Willow and a gaggle of sleepy Slayers, in various states of undress, staring at himself and Spike with undiluted astonishment.

"OK - _what_ is going on?" Buffy asked, and Angel shook his head. "Just what I was about to say..." He stepped a little closer, scrutinising her. "Are you the real Buffy?"

"Of course she's the real Buffy!" Xander replied, indignantly.

Angel shot Spike a look - this was not what they had expected. Then suddenly Spike grinned. "I've got it!" Turning to Buffy, he shot her a look that Angel _really_ didn't like at all. "If you're the really real Buffy, then surely you'll remember what happened that time you were invisible..."

He let the sentence hang, unfinished, and Buffy's eyes grew very wide, before she shot Xander a swift look and her cheeks went scarlet.

Spike smiled triumphantly. "Yup! That's her all right. Guess you better call off the troops."

Angel sighed, and pressed the communication button again. "This is Angel. All units stand down. Understood?"

Willow was staring at him with wide eyes. "You have... troops? But... why didn't my alarms go off?"

He smiled - somewhat smugly he had to admit. "Brought along two warlocks, a shaman, a seer and five IT experts. Couldn't undo your alarms, just delayed them by 10 minutes"

"Oh..." she said, but whatever she was about to say next was cut off by Buffy who was busy pulling on a dressing gown. (This was a great shame, because her nighty was a tiny little silky thing that Angel wouldn't have minded silently admiring for a little longer. She never used to wear stuff like that back when they'd been dating.)

"Right - so are you going to explain _why_ you burst through my window in the middle of the night? Presuming you _have_ an explanation?"

The look on her face made it pretty clear that she didn't think this very likely.

"Well - we thought it was a trap," Angel answered, and Spike nodded, then continued. "I mean seriously pet - you gonna tell us that you've lived _here_ for the past year? Even Dru got bored out of her mind after two weeks... and I'm presuming you've not got pixies to talk to."

Buffy bit her lip. "We needed somewhere out of the way to train the girls and Giles suggested this..."

Her voice trailed off, and then her eyes widened as Illyria appeared in the doorway. The blue-tinted God, as usual spotting the leader in an instant, fixed Buffy with one of her intense looks, declaring: "You have a giant. I approve."

At this Buffy's mouth fell open and she turned back to Angel, speechless.

"Um... this is Illyria," he explained, "She's... with us."

Illyria's head swivelled round, and she did what passed for a frown. It was hard to tell since she always looked disapproving.

"I am not _with you_, vampire. I merely chose to come along for my own amusement." She looked around at the room. "This place is old. Much blood was shed here. I like it. I will continue to explore."

She turned, but was faced with three young Slayers, blocking the door.

"Oh-" Spike called out, "don't-"

But it was too late. In a flash Illyria had swatted them out of the way, but then found the open door had grown an invisible barrier thanks to Willow. She stopped, then slowly turned her head, a small smile on her lips. "Almost impressive" she said, then punched a hole in the wall and left - leaving Willow gaping.

Buffy was halfway across the room, but Angel stopped her. "Just let her go, she'll be fine."

"What-" she stared up into his face. "What is she?"

"Hellgod!" Spike helpfully filled in. "She wanted to come along for a laugh..." He pulled a face. "It's a long story."

Buffy was staring from one to the other, incredulous. "You - you brought a _hellgod_ with you?"

"Why not?" Spike replied. "As Angel said, we thought it was a trap. I mean... you living here, and that whole thing with this General Vot's-his-name and kidnapping Willow..."

Looking from face to face, it was obvious that the report had been true, word for word.

"How... how do you know all this?" Buffy asked carefully.

"An acquaintance gave me a tip-off... probably thought you'd stake me. He'd like that." Angel frowned and pulled out the report from his pocket, leafing through it. "Seriously though, this is all true? The whole Twilight cult and everything?"

"That's what they're called?" Buffy asked, a need for information swiftly asserting itself.

"Well I've got the Cliff notes here if you want them..." he held out the papers and Buffy eagerly snatched them. "Course I could get you the General himself if you like?"

Willow cleared her throat and raised an eyebrow. "Gee that's nice of you, but... no one would _notice_ that he went missing?"

He shrugged. "Well someone might notice, but they wouldn't be able to do anything."

"But..." Willow frowned, obviously intrigued. "What about the police? Do you bribe them or what?"

Angel chuckled and swept them all up in a sardonic look. "I don't need to bribe them, I _own_ them." He spread his arms. "I'm the CEO of W&amp;H, I can do what I want - simply put, I am the system."

He'd always wanted to use that line. Possibly not on this particular audience, but beggars couldn't be choosers - and hopefully it wouldn't be long before the words would be literally true... and he could try to smash the system from the inside.

Xander pulled a face. "You know it's funny - every time we meet I am reminded all over again why I don't like you."

Angel looked at him and drolly replied, "Please remind me why I should care?"

He could hear Spike's stifled snickering, but mostly he noticed Buffy's unhappy face, as she handed the papers back. "Sorry. Can't... can't accept this."

He sighed. "Not on the same side, I know. But-" he pulled a hand through his hair. "Please keep it. You took the amulet that time, and that came in handy, remember? They're dangerous, and you need this. For a start they're grooming this Slayer - Lady Genevieve Savidge - for something or other, and she's out to kill you."

Buffy slowly nodded. "OK." Looking somewhat uncomfortable, she then added, "Thank you."

He looked at her, and wondered yet again how she could look so vulnerable, and yet so strong at the same time.

"Don't suppose you'll let me help at all?" he asked, and she mutely shook her head. He'd not expected any different. Still...

"Fine. But-" He caught her eyes. "If they hurt you at all, I'm wiping them off the face of the earth. Just so you know."

Her eyes widened, incredulous. "Jeez Angel, overprotective much?"

"Yeah," Xander joined in, "If you're trying to impress the lady then I think you're a few years and one evil law firm too late!"

Angel glared - nearly ten years since they first met, and still the boy annoyed him. "I already _have_ a girlfriend, kid, so calm down. It's just that I could take these guys out fairly easily..."

He stopped and thought it through some more. It'd actually be a bit of fun for once - Gunn and Wesley could do their research thing, and Spike and Illyria could do lots of violence, and everyone would happy fighting the good fight and hopefully not pay attention to all the shady deals he was doing. And he'd get one up on Derek in the process.

"You know what... I might just do it anyway. No reason you should have a headache like this distracting you. Heck, the Senior Partners will probably even approve - they don't like idiot cults to run around unchecked!"

Buffy looked confused. "Sorry - but I thought they - W&amp;H they - were like - the ultimate evil? Wouldn't they be happy that someone tried to get rid of us?"

"Oh no," Angel shook his head, "they're very pleased since you're taking out a lot of the opposition. Enemy of my enemy and all that. _If_ however you ever tried to become an evil overlord, like this Voll appears to think you will, they'd get rid of you in a heartbeat." He tilted his head, calculating. "Shouldn't be more than a morning's work, all told."

"A... a _what_? You think you could take out all my Slayers _in a morning_?"

Oh she was seriously offended now. Angel shrugged, a little apologetically. "Well you're all lumped together - 50 in a squad I think it was? That's only 10 bases to take out, which really would be very simple... bombs might do it, although..."

He frowned and tried to remember a conversation from a few months previously. "I _think_ I also have some sort of death ray I can fire from space. Not quite sure about how that one works, but I doubt even magic would be able to stop it."

Buffy was staring at him, obviously trying to wrap her brain around his words.

"So... what you're saying is that they *allow* us to exist?"

He sighed. "Pretty much. As long as you don't go after their bigger clients... which I doubt you can, since they are smart and never leave a trail. Look... Buffy..." He caught her eyes, hoping to get through her hostility. "What you do is very important. The world needs you, needs people who fight the good fight every day, saving people."

Then he looked at his watch and sighed again. "Damn - I should probably be getting back - important meeting in the morning. Spike?"

Spike didn't look pleased. "Already? But we came all this way and didn't even get a decent fight! Can't you call off your meeting and we could go find some nasties somewhere else?"

Angel shook his head. "Fraid I can't cancel on the Governor of California."

Willow's eyes went wide. "You mean... Arnold Schwarzenegger?"

He nodded, and smiled a little. "Want an autograph? I'm already getting one for my girlfriend's niece, promise it won't be a problem."

"No, but..." she frowned. "Is he evil?"

Angel shrugged. "Not precisely, but how do you think he won? Hell, how do you think George Bush became President?"

This had obviously never occurred to them before. He pressed a button on his communication thingy, hoping he got the right one.

"Richardson, where are you?" He listened to the reply, then nodded. "OK, we'll see you there in a minute." He looked up. "Can you locate Illyria for us?"

Willow nodded and left, and Spike suddenly looked almost shy. "Goodbye Buffy," he said, swiftly meeting her eyes and then looking down.

She was obviously just as uncomfortable. "Do you... I mean are you working for the Evil Empire too?"

"What? No! I just... lend a hand. Try to remind them what a real hero looks like." Then, almost falling over the words, he added, "So how long have you known that I was alive? Less dead... whatever."

"Since Andrew came back that time..." She looked down, played with the belt on her robe. "So - why did you never tell me?"

"Well... I _was_ a ghost for half a year! And then..." he looked sheepish and obviously wished that they didn't have an audience. "What would I say? Figured you were off somewhere living your life. Moving on."

There was an awkward pause, then Buffy said, "Would... would you like to stay... here?"

"Stay?" Spike said, eyebrows rising and looking rather stunned. Angel felt like holding his breath. If he'd had any. This was Rome all over again, except...

Then Spike smiled a tiny smile, and shook his head. "Think I've done my stint as live-in vampire in the Slayer sorority house. And it's not like you need more fighters, is it? But..." he shot her a look from under his eyelashes, "If you ever feel like comin' to LA, just give us a shout - could... take you out shopping and tear up Mr Broody's expense account or something?"

Buffy's response was a befuddled "Huh?", but Angel vehemently shook his head. "No! No shopping!"

Spike studied him drolly. "_You_ took _Cordelia_ shopping!"

"But - that was Cordelia. It was different!" Angel was unwilling to expand upon _how_ this was different, and so continued. "And anyway, that was before Illyria wrecked my budget!"

At this Buffy's jaw dropped. "You... you took that _hellgod thing_ shopping?"

"What? No!" He shook his head again, then tried to explain. "She destroyed 11 tortu... holding dimensions and a whole bunch of other stuff. I'm in seriously the red and I can't afford to spend money on frivolities."

(Although, he thought to himself, he really had to get Nina a silk negligé. And - he'd not only be able to freely admire it for as long as he liked, but also remove it again... Oh he'd definitely have to ask Harmony to get one first thing tomorrow.)

Mind thus happily occupied, he almost missed Spike's comment.

"Says the man with 12 cars," Spike remarked, raising an eyebrow. "You always were and always will be a cheapskate, Angel!"

Angel didn't like Spike's tone of voice one bit. "Look - it's not like she needs it," he waved a hand towards Buffy, "she's obviously not short of money! Hell she's got more helicopters than I!"

At this Spike just shrugged and let the matter drop. "Whatever. Buffy..." he shot her a look so loaded that Angel was surprised it didn't drop through the floor, "it was... good to see you."

"But-" Buffy was looking from Spike to Angel and back again. "You're really going back with him? When did you two become bestest friends?"

Spike choked. "Um... we're... really not. It's just that... there's this... thing that I promised to help with. And... it's kinda important."

He shot Angel a look, and Angel swiftly nodded. "Yeah, the thing. That's right."

Buffy's eyes narrowed, and Angel braced himself for a barrage of questions that he'd have to refuse to answer, but thankfully at that moment Willow returned with Illyria.

Then they all did an uncomfortable round of goodbyes, and Buffy dragged Spike off into a corner and spoke to him very quietly and Angel could feel himself start to glower.

Shortly afterwards however they were back on the plane, Spike rummaging through the cabinets, unearthing several large bottles of whiskey and approving loudly.

Angel watched him happily fill a glass, then asked, because he had to know.

"Why didn't you stay?"

Spike took a sip of the drink, closing his eyes and not answering for a long while.

"Well... I had all these ideas of how things would go if we ever met again-" he shot Angel a look, worried that he'd revealed too much, but Angel just nodded. "An' then... it all turned out all different. I... I couldn't work out what she really wanted. I'm not even sure that _she_ knew what she wanted. And..." he smiled a little. "There's 'the thing'. Not gonna run out on you - I know you're short on people."

Angel suddenly had to swallow hard. In his head he could still clearly hear Spike's words...

_"This is what she would have wanted. It's what I want. I don't really like you. Suppose I never will. But this is important, what's happening here. Fred gave her life for it. The least I can do is give what's left of mine." _

"You might get killed," he said, trying not to let his emotions show.

"Yeah," Spike replied. "Who knows - maybe third time's the lucky time, eh?"

He shot Angel a lopsided smile, and then continued swiftly. "And also... there were just too many Slayers. As I said, I've done it before, and damn - being stuck in a house with that many women ain't exactly paradise, trust me!" Taking another sip, he added. "Also - not a pub around for miles. I'd go crazy within the week!"

"I see," Angel said. "You're... 'moving on' then?"

"Well... she did give me her phone number!" Spike grinned, and silently Angel reached out for the bottle.

After a little while Spike looked up again, a wicked glint in his eyes. "So... what do you say that tomorrow night we go to Italy and kill Andrew?"

A slow smile spread across Angel's face. "Sounds... brilliant, to be honest. Although we really ought to torture him first!"

"Of course!" Spike leaned forwards. "Now what I was thinking was-"

The rest of the flight was very enjoyable indeed.

***

However, the next morning Angel had a hangover so bad not even the green doctor with the tentacles could help him.

As he slowly made his way to his meeting, Angel thought to himself that even when he got along with Spike, he ended up in pain. There was probably some sort of moral to be found in this, but his head hurt too much to work it out.

And it *really* didn't help that Mr Schwarzenegger appeared to be around 10 feet tall.

But... on the plus side Buffy _wasn't_ dating the Immortal, and as a matter of fact was as close to being locked up in a box as was realistically possible.

This made him smile for the rest of the day.

 

The End.


End file.
